Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
