but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
