I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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