I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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