Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
