Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie