What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is