Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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