Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine