the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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