I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Too much gin, very little bucket
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
