i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
