im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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