worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
