This girl is more easily done than said...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
