So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
