My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
