Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
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