How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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