part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
