home. puking in laundry basket.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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