Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
