I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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