what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
