I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
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