Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
