Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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