I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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