My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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