It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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