i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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