shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
