matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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