I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
