Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
