you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
