highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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