She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
