I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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