i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
