making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
