yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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