whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
