So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Damn victory sex feels great
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
