If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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