i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
