Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize