in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
