your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
