If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
