so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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