So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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