I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
