worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
