it's like iHOP with fire
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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