it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So much rum. So many feels.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
