Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
