its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was confusing and full of hummus
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
