Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
