Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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