do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
