I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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