We got so high we made milksteak
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
