I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We're too hungover to prance.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
