your room smells of hookers.
And success
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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