my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
